


Walking Through Hot Coals

by WonderingsAndMusings



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Demisexual Michael, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, asexual Geoff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-11 22:47:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3335627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WonderingsAndMusings/pseuds/WonderingsAndMusings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically this walks through Geoff and his life as an asexual male married to and divorced from an extremely sexual female.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Walking Through Hot Coals

**Author's Note:**

> Okay guys, I want you to know this is pretty heavy. There is a lot of asexual bashing in some of the parts from a character who doesn't understand what asexuality is. There is also a very short, nondescript rape implied. I promise it ends happy, italics is past regular is present time.

Waking up was always hard. But waking up to an empty bed was even harder. Geoff groaned as he sat up and stretched, tattooed arms raised above his head and his rib cage opened up. It had been five years this day since his wife had left him and he still wasn’t used to the empty side of the bed. He looked over at the alarm, 7:30 was staring back at him, the harsh red lights offensive to his eyes which still hadn’t adjusted to the bit of morning light streaming through the curtains.

“I should probably get in the shower” he muttered to himself, still not used to the quiet of living alone. Getting out of bed he yawned again as his bare feet padded across his bedroom floor to the bathroom. “At least she let me keep the apartment when she left” he said angrily. There were too many memories in this place. Too many memories of the times he and her had spent together. As he turned the water on and stepped into the shower, his mind returned to one.

_There she was, standing before him. She looked beautiful. The pink of her dress complimented her pale skin as she asked him to dance. It was senior prom and he was head over heels in love with this girl. After the dance they went back to his place and he lost his virginity to her, panting, moaning, release. He knew he was supposed to enjoy her soft skin and curves, but he couldn’t help but feel that this was wrong._

Geoff pulled himself out of the memory, it was at that point in his life when he realized women weren’t his cup of tea. But living in Alabama, what was he to do? People expected him to marry this woman. So he did.

_The wedding was simple, she wore a white dress and carried a bouquet of roses. He had rented the tux. Nineteen and he was getting married. He knew he loved her. Romantically she was perfect for him. But physically, there was no attraction. She knew that after the first time. He never told her, but she knew._

After their wedding night, there was no sex or physical touch between the two of them at home. Sure, they slept in the same bed, but they didn’t cuddle. They kissed in public, but only for show. Geoff sighed as he turned off the water. He dried himself off a bit, wrapped the towel around his waist, and walked into the kitchen. He decided to make himself breakfast before going into work. They wouldn’t care if he was late. As he started the pancake batter he let his mind wander back to years ago.

_He was 22 when they moved to Texas. He had a plan to start something big with his friends Burnie, Gus, and Joel. She supported him and they packed up and moved. She told him she loved him._

_He was 22 when she started having affairs. Texas was an excuse to get away from her overbearing family. It was an excuse for her to be able to exercise her sexual desire. She knew Geoff wasn’t attracted to her. She knew he had married her because it was what was expected of them. That was why she said yes. She used Texas as her way to have the best of both worlds. She slept with men who wanted her. She wanted to feel wanted. And Geoff knew. She never told him, but he knew._

_He was 25 when Rooster Teeth and Red vs Blue really started taking off. He was 25 when he started to feel like maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t broken. Like maybe this non attraction to his wife was okay. He knew she was sleeping with people behind his back, and she knew he was ‘broken,’ or at least that was the term she had used during a drunken rage one night after he got home too late from a long day of shooting. ‘You don’t want me. You don’t want this!’ she had shouted, her voice slurred from the bottle of wine she had drunk earlier. ‘You must be broken, fucked up in the head. There are plenty of men who would feel lucky to have a wife as beautiful as me. You don’t even touch me. Why don’t you touch me?’ All he could do was walk out of the house and call Burnie, see if he could sleep on his couch that night._

_He was 28 when she left him. Walked out one day and didn’t come back. A few weeks later he found divorce papers in his mail box. He signed them and mailed them back. He knew she was better off without him. This way she wouldn’t have to sneak behind his back. This way she could have a normal life. A life without her broken husband. Ex-husband._

As Geoff flipped the pancakes in front of him, he decided he should probably just call into work today. There was no sense going if he was just going to spend the entire day in his head. Maybe he’d just eat pancakes and drink himself into oblivion. That might make him feel better. He had loved her. And he wished she could have accepted him for who he was and is.

He had finally started to accept himself ten years ago, but the divorce had done its fair share of backtracking the work and progress he had made. Burnie and Gus came over a few days after she had left to find Geoff passed out in his own vomit on the floor. They got him to the hospital as quick as they could. To this day he won’t tell them if it was alcohol or pain pills in his system.

No, he decided he would go into work. It would be good for him to see other people. He had already informed the others that today would be a strictly editing day, no filming. Out of the Achievement Hunters, only Jack knew why. Jack had visited him at the hospital those five years ago. The others knew that something had to be up for Geoff to make this day a strict “No Film” day year after year, but they knew better than to ask questions. Geoff had his quirks just like the rest of them and they respected them.

As he sat down to eat his pancakes, new memories came to the surface. 

_About two and a half years ago, he and Jack needed some new people in the Achievement Hunter office. There was the two of them, a silly British kid named Gavin and a spunky Puerto Rican, Ray. But they needed someone new, someone who could bring a different energy to the office. So they went looking. YouTube seemed like a good source. Ray shows them a video of this kid, absolutely screaming at his video game while he plays. ‘I know this guy from the RT site. We’ve hung out a few times’ Ray had said ‘He is pretty cool and we get along well, you guys could think about him for the new recruit”’ And think about him they had. While watching this kids videos, Geoff had laughed harder than he had in a long time. This kid just radiated energy._

_So they called him up and the rest is history. Michael ‘Rage Quit’ Jones got hired at Rooster Teeth and he was the perfect fit. Geoff found intrigued by this young man, really wanting to ask him on a date. He settled to inviting him out to lunch so he could get to know him better. His excuse was that, per the system of the company, he should get to know his employees on a more personal level. Rooster Teeth, after all, was not your normal company._

_For years after that, Geoff imagined himself with Michael. The lunch outing had gone so well. He just wanted to call this man his ‘boyfriend.’ But he had seen how well that had gone for him before. And even though he was again, head over heels for the boy, he could not see himself being physically intimate with the lad. All he could do was remember how much he had disappointed his wife, how much he loved her and how little he could give her._

_It was around this time when he started going to therapy. He hated that he needed to talk to a shrink, but he loved the fact that it made him feel happy. He told his doctor the way he felt, his lack of sexual attraction to any other human. He told him how broken and unlovable he felt. His doctor said it was normal. He said he wasn’t broken, but he was probably asexual. “What the hell does that mean?” Geoff had come back with, he had never heard of such a term. His doctor explained that it is a completely normal sexuality, just like heterosexual and homosexual. It was a lack of sexual attraction to another person._

Geoff had long sense accepted himself. He could be happy living his life knowing that he was normal. After getting dressed and driving to work, he decided that today would be the last day he wallowed in self-pity because his wife left him. He decided he would be happy living by himself. That way he couldn’t disappoint anyone.

He walked into the Achievement Hunter office with his head held high. “Whats up, dicks? I know I said today was ‘No Filming’ but we really need to get the new Minecraft done, so we are going to do that today. Any objections?”

Jack just looked stunned. “When do you want us to start setting up, Boss?” Michael asked with that smile that made Geoff’s insides feel warm.

“Now. I think its going to be a long one. This way we’ll be done by lunch” Jack was still staring at him, mouth agape.

“You feeling okay, Jack?”

“Um, yeah. I just wasn’t expecting you to be so cheerful today.”

“Well, I’ve decided that its in the past, and I’m going to start moving on. What a better day than today?”

“Okay. As long as you’re sure” Jack sounded nervous, but turned on his X-BOX anyways. He knew just how depressed his friend had been, and he had been there every step of the way seeing this man go from bad to worse. But if Geoff said he was okay, Jack could only trust him and be there again if the world came crashing down.

* * *

 

The Minecraft Let’s Play had indeed been almost unbearably long, a four hour recording before they took a lunch break, with more to film when they got back. The recording had been hard on all of their moral, but mostly Geoff. After explaining the game for the first time, then a crash, then restarting, with another crash, and then restarting the game for the third time, Geoff was tuckered out. He was done. He couldn’t be bothered, as Gavin would say, to talk much more during the Let’s Play. He felt himself slipping into his head space, much to the dismay of those around him. He didn’t want to, but he could feel the memories start bubbling to the surface again during lunch.

_‘I can’t believe you told me you love me! You can’t even stand the thought of being with me’ Another one of their fights had broken out. ‘You know I care about you, you know I love you’ he had tried to reason with her. She didn’t want any of it. She wanted to be able to hate him. ‘You could never love me, you can never love anyone, Geoff’ she had shouted and raged, throwing her now empty glass at him. He missed the blow but the glass did shatter on the wall behind him. ‘I’m going to leave one day. You’ll see. One day you’ll come home and it will be like I have never been here.’_

_He didn’t believe her whiskey soaked words. Two months later, she was gone._

“Geoff!” He heard someone yelling his name. He tried to pull himself out of his mind, he tried to shake the memories away. He couldn’t.

“God damn it Geoff I know you can hear me! Snap the fuck out of it! Fuck, Geoff. I can’t fucking believe this” Michael had walked into the kitchen to see Geoff standing over the sink with his palm cut and bloody from where he had gripped a knife. He knew Geoff hadn’t meant to cut himself, that he was just lost in his own mind. This happened sometimes. “Geoff I need you to drop the fucking knife. Geoff! Listen to me you god damned son of a whore!” Michael was shouting now, he knew someone else could hear him.

Burnie came running in, “What’s going on?”

“He is in his weird trance thing that happens sometimes, but he has hold of a knife. He isn’t letting go either”

“Fuck. You might want to go. This is going to get personal in a second. I know what to say to get him out of this, but it may not be something you want to hear.” Burnie was cautioning Michael more for Geoff’s sake than Michael’s. He knew that Michael would want an explanation and Geoff wouldn’t be able to give a good one in the state he was in at the time.

Michael shook his head and planted his feet firmly on the ground “I’m not going until I know he is alright.”

“Well don’t say I didn’t warn you” Burnie replied grimly.

“Geoff listen to me” he said, grabbing his face and turning it towards him. “You are good. You are worthy. She doesn’t define you. You deserve to be loved. You will find someone who accepts you and loves you for who you are. She does not define who you are, who you were, or who you will be. You are what you make, not what she decided for you.”

Geoff snapped out of it and slowly made eye contact with Burnie, tears running down his face. “I think I need to go home, Burnie” he said as he dropped the knife into the sink.

“Okay, Buddy, I’ll drive you home.”

As Burnie turned with Geoff in his arms, he was face to face with a shocked Michael. “Shit, Geoff. I forgot he was standing here. I’m sorry” Burnie started. Geoff stared wide eyed as Michael flung his arms around the older man, wrapping him into a giant bear hug.

“Geoff, I hope you’re okay,” Michael said as he pulled back from the hug. “You probably need stitches on your hand” he muttered, a bit embarrassed by the sudden hug he had given his boss.

“Yeah, thanks” Geoff replied as Burnie continued to support him while they walked out of the office and to his car.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow and take you to work too, since you won’t have your car. Is that okay?”

“Yeah thanks man. You’re a good friend” Geoff managed to reply. “Just take me home. I’d like to skip the hospital if at all possible.”

“Okay. Be sure to call if you need anything.”

“You know I will.”

The rest of the car ride was quiet. Burnie wasn’t sure how to reply to that last statement. He didn’t trust Geoff to call if he was in danger or hurt. But he knew he was going to come over tomorrow, and how badly could Geoff screw himself up in the mean time?

* * *

 

When Burnie left Geoff’s house the latter had been sitting on the couch in pajamas. Burnie turned the television on for his friend, but could tell it would just be background noise to the thoughts running around in Geoff’s own head. By the time Burnie had closed the door, Geoff was back into his mind.

_He was too drunk. He was more drunk than he had been in a long while. He couldn’t remember how much he had had to drink. But she was in front of him, dragging her nails down his chest. ‘You know you want this. You know you should want me. I’m your wife. You should love having me on top of you. You should want to be inside of me.’ Geoff fought off the erection that was starting to grow in his pants. He could tell it was more the alcohol and less her that was making his body react this way. ‘Get off me,’ he had said ‘I don’t want this’ ‘please stop.’ Geoff had pleaded with the woman he loved to stop doing what she was. ‘You know you want this. Your body wants this. This is how you are supposed to love me’ was all she said in return.'_

_When he woke up she asked him if he wanted to go for another round. He hadn’t replied, just got in the shower and scrubbed until his skin was red and raw. Thats when he started to feel better._

It was one in the morning with the memories left him. Geoff decided he should go to bed and get some rest. Morning would come quick and he needed to be ready to face Burnie and Michael in the morning. No doubt Michael had told the rest of the office about the broken shell of a man their boss was. No doubt Jack had told Michael everything, about his wife leaving, about his stay in the hospital, about how every year around this time he falls to pieces.

Thankfully dreams don’t come. But morning is too quick and with it the memories of the day before. He had broken down at work. He had broken down in front of Michael. Michael had hugged him. ‘Maybe Michael didn’t tell everyone what had happened’ he thought to himself as he got dressed. He didn’t have time to make himself breakfast today since Burnie was picking him up for work.

There was a knock on the door and then Burnie was there, standing in his apartment with a box of doughnuts. “I thought you could use some breakfast on the ride to work” he said, annoyingly cheery for how Geoff was feeling. “And from the looks of it you could use an aspirin or two. How much did you drink last night dude?”

“Nothing. Just sleepy. You got a maple bar in there? Those are the absolute best and fuck anyone who says differently” Geoff said with a smile as he grabbed his favorite from the box.

“Okay, just, make sure you talk to Michael. Poor kid was really shaken up yesterday. Jack told me he went home about the same time you did, said he had a stomach ache. He seems to really care about you.”

“Really?” was all Geoff could say out loud. ‘Maybe all the sideways glances were about more than just a coworker relationship. Maybe he got more out of that lunch date those years ago than I thought. Maybe, but I’d just disappoint him. He wouldn’t be happy with someone who gets uncomfortable with cuddling for too long’ His thoughts started racing, both good and bad about the prospects of Michael maybe liking him back as more than a friend.

“Yes really dumb-ass! Now come on. We’re going to be late to work”

* * *

 

Geoff arrives all smiles and cheer, acting as if the previous day hadn’t happened. “Okay so lets finish that Minecraft video, sound good?” Everyone nods and smiles back at him. He walks over to Michael’s desk and asks quietly, “Hey, so, lets get lunch today. That okay?”

Michael smiles and replies with a “yeah sounds like a plan boss” before starting up his XBOX and getting ready to kick ass as Mogar in the video.

Filming goes slowly again, but at least they finish in time for lunch. As the other guys start to filter out of the office, Geoff and Michael remain behind.

“So what did you have in mind?”

“How does Chipotle sound? Warrior Mogar must like burritos or something like that”

Michael just laughs and nods. The pair start walking out to Geoff’s car. Michael sits down in the passenger seat and before he has even put his seat belt on asks, “So, are you doing better than yesterday? You seemed a little, well, um, off.”

“Yeah I’m doing better. I was actually going to explain all about that after we ate, but there’s no better time than the present I guess.

“Its a long story, but I guess I’ll start from the beginning. I was eighteen when we met. She was seventeen. It was love at first sight…

_She had just transferred to his school about the third week in. He saw her walking down the hall one day, carrying her books in her arms and looking like a dream. He was instantly amazed at her beauty, and every part of his being screamed at him to walk up to her and say hello. But he was too shy, so instead he walked past this girl and on to his first class of the day._

_Sitting in math, he day dreamed about what it would be like to talk to this girl, take her out to see a movie, and maybe even become “high school sweethearts.” As the minutes ticked on slowly, he didn’t even notice she had entered the room._

_‘Sorry I’m late, I got a little lost’ ‘_

_No problem just find an open seat’ his teacher had told her. She wandered the isles looking for somewhere suitable to sit. She took the desk on the right of Geoff. The teacher went back to teaching, Geoff sat uncomfortably by the girl he was so amazed by. He didn’t want to mess anything up, so he didn't say a word. As the bell rang she stood up and introduced herself to Geoff. ‘_

_Could you help me find my next class’ she had asked with a smile. ‘_

_Uh, yeah, whats your schedule? Oh Alabama State history, I have that next too. You can, uh, you can just walk with me. You know, if you want or something’ Geoff had replied with a nervous laugh. She just smiled and nodded._

_Alabama State history was usually the bane of Geoff’s existence. He didn’t care about this state and wanted to move as soon as he could. He wasn’t an Alabamian in his bones and in his blood. But even Alabama State history was made interesting by the girl sitting next to him. They passed notes during the lecture, her telling him just how much she wanted to get out of this state, him telling her the same. She seemed to be just as intrigued by him as he was of her._

_Their schedules ended up matching for the last class of the day as well, so he drew her a map of how to get to each of her next classes. She thanked him and then was gone. He thought maybe, just maybe, he had a chance with this girl._

_A few days went by of them walking to second period together, passing notes in all their classes, talking as much as possible. Days turned into a few weeks and by the end of October, they were officially a couple. They were joined at the hip, spending as much time as humanly possible together. They went to each other’s houses after school, met the parents, the whole nine yards. Both were happy with where the relationship was, neither were pushing for anything more physical than the occasional kiss. Her father approved greatly._

_Months passed this way, neither had ever been happier. It was obvious to everyone around them that they were perfect for each other. Neither one of them seemed to be able to function with out the other for more than a few hours at a time. Their love seemed to be akin to that of Tristan and Isolde, neither could live while the other was away._

_He asked her to prom and of course she said yes. He found a tie that matched her dress perfectly, and they danced. The night was theirs. She asked him for one last dance that night, one last moment of perfection. Then they went back to his house._

“And..um, first time events transpired.” Geoff said, without wanting to go into a lot of detail about the subject.

Michael just laughed. “You can say you had sex with her, I’m an adult too. I know what sex is, I’ve even had it, once or twice.”

Geoff laughed too. “Don’t make fun of my wording you dick, I’m pouring my heart out to ya!” Michael just continued to laugh at his boss. “Here let me keep going.

“So after Prom it was just a couple of weeks until graduation…

_Graduation was supposed to be the best time of a high schoolers life, no more worries about school, they can move out on their own, life is wonderful. But for Geoff it was coming with an unwanted cost. He could either break up with this girl he knew he loved, who loved him back, or he could marry her. He didn’t really want to do either, but a marriage was expected, so soon he proposed to her._

_It was a simple proposal, at his graduation party he got on one knee. The ring wasn’t too amazing or extravagant. A simple band with a simple stone, perfect for the girl Geoff knew and loved. The wedding was set for July. His mom helped her pick out a dress and her dad walked him through the proper way to waltz at a wedding. The parents couldn’t be happier. The couple felt like they were going to suffocate._

_Both knew their needs were different, Geoff felt repulsed at the thoughts of being with her sexually again, he really felt repulsed by the idea of being with anyone in the way he had been with her. And she craved touch, she wanted the feeling he had given her. She wanted that feeling of being full again and again. It had made her feel like she was truly loved and wanted. Geoff’s lack of wanting to be with her had made her feel like all she was to him was a prop. Someone who looked nice on his arm, but who he did not really love._

_Even though they had reservations, they went through with the wedding. This is what people in Alabama did, and even though neither of them felt like they were true Alabamians, they knew what they needed to do to save face._

_The wedding was simple but beautiful. Geoff’s mom had cooked instead of them getting catering, it was small enough where that worked nicely. They had about 30 people attend in total, close family and closer friends. Burnie was Geoff’s best man. The preacher said ‘You may kiss the bride.’ They went home and consummated the marriage. Everything was as it should be. At least, on the outside._

_On the inside, Geoff’s body was screaming for him to stop, he felt wrong. It felt like there was a weight on his chest, crushing him and causing him to stop breathing. He felt like he was going to be sick. Her body in his hands felt like something was burning him. He didn’t want to touch her. But he knew this is what married people were supposed to do, so he willingly did it._

_For the next few years, it was all he could do to look her in the eyes at the breakfast table. He worked 9-5 at a tech call center with his friends and she worked at a daycare full time and then some. Neither one of them really saw the other much, and that was how they liked it. They fell into a routine of wake up, eat together, go to work, get home, eat together, sleep. They almost never really talked._

_Then one morning Geoff told her he had an idea. ‘The guys are moving to Texas, and they want me to come with them. Some big thing about starting a company and making a web series, you know, stuff that I’m good at.’ She just smiled and said, ‘I’ll support you, whatever you choose to do. I love you.’_

_So they packed up and moved from Alabama to Austin. Geoff continued to work for the tech company, but was able to get transferred along with Gus, Burnie, and Joel. They started to make a name for themselves, and at 22 things were going great for him. He knew his wife was cheating on him. He could tell from the smile on her face when she came home from “a late meeting.” He didn’t really mind, he still loved her. This way she could get the sex she wanted and still be with a man who loved her for who she was. Or so he thought._

_Things went on like this for a few years, Geoff having long days and even longer nights, Rooster Teeth as a company starting to make a name for themselves. He was 25 and feeling amazing. She was still seeing people behind his back, and that had now started to bother him. They started fighting, sometimes violently. They had gone a long way form the inseparable loves their high school knew them as. Geoff thought three years should be more than enough for someone to get out of their “ho days,” right? But no such luck, she still wanted more than Geoff was willing to give her._

_So one night, in their fifth year of marriage, she took it instead._

Geoff did his best to explain to Michael how that had happened, how and why he wasn’t able to defend himself, but he was embarrassed. “I know it sounds dumb, how could a grown man not want to be with a beautiful lady like her. I just, don’t feel that kind of stuff, like I’ve never really wanted to have sex with anyone. I don’t even masturbate that much! Only when it starts to hurt, you feel me? But the idea and act of being physically intimate, it makes me feel sick.”

“You know, Geoff, I think thats called asexual. Maybe I’m wrong, but if I’m not then its this thing where people don’t feel sexual attraction. I mean, I don’t know a lot about it, but I do feel like sex should only be between two people who really love each other. I don’t even get attracted to someone sexually until I’ve known them for a long time. And not even just having known them, but it really takes being on a personal level with someone for me to want to have sex. Thats called, demisexual, I think. I’ve been talking with a therapist about it. Sorry I’m rambling. This is your story not mine.” Michael was blushing at having shared so much with his boss. But Geoff could only smile.

“Yeah, its called asexual, my situation. But it was weird. Romantically, I was in love with her, she was the sun and I could only try to reach her. But anytime things got even a little sexual, like more than a hug or a kiss, I would just freeze up. It felt wrong.”

“Yeah, my last, um, partner left me because they didn’t want to wait for me to be ready.”

“Thats pretty much the end of this story, she left me because, in her words, I was ‘broken’ there was something wrong with me and she couldn’t wait around for me to try to fix it. She wasn’t willing to accept me. I was crushed. I felt worthless and unlovable. They guys found me a couple of days later and took me to the hospital where I had to get my stomach pumped. Side note, never do something where you’re going to need your stomach pumped. Just don’t do it.

“But I threw myself into Achievement Hunter and Rooster Teeth. I got better. But around this time of year, the time she left me, I tend to relapse. I know I’m not broken, and that there are many more people like me in this world, but sometimes the memories or dreams come up and I just can’t cope with it anymore. Burnie has always been one to know how to pull me out of the trance.”

“Yeah, it seemed pretty bad yesterday. You grabbed onto a knife! Speaking of that, let me see your hand. Did you get stitches?” Geoff holds out his hand for Michael to see. There is a thin line across his palm but no stitches.

“It stopped bleeding around the time we got in the car for Burnie to take me home.”

“Okay good.” Michael seemed to be genuinely concerned about the state of his bosses hand. “Well, we were going to go get lunch, um, do you still want to do that?” Michael felt the blush creep back to his face. His boss had shared so much with him today, and he was really starting to feel the crush.

“As long as you do, Michael, I’m down for burritos. Also, don’t take this the wrong way, but I’d like this to be a date. Thats why I’ve shared so much with you. And I know that is a bit much for a first date or whatever, but I feel like you deserve to know what your getting into, if you want to get into this I mean.”

“Yeah, Geoff. Lets make this a date. Hopefully the first of many.

 


End file.
